Well let me just tell you now...this is a must
read...read it now...with that said let's begin. For a little while
I didn't have an awful lot to report from the glorious world of Nihon,
but that has all changed. I was going to mention about some more
interesting food experiences, but I will save that for another time...you
and your stomach can thank me later.
Now what I think will be THE story of my Japanese
life...normally I don't do all this fanfare but soon you will know
why.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I got this mysterious phone call.
On the other side of the line was a man who was speaking in all Japanese.
Well, my Japanese isn't quite up to par to say the least so I was
trying to piece it together. I made out that this man obviously knew
me, wanted me to go to some kind of party in the nearby village,
and he said the word actor...which I had no idea what that meant.
Normally on Tuesdays I go to aikido, but he was pretty persistent that
I go with him...he would pick me up at my Jr. high school at 6:50pm.
I wanted to just end this conversation because I had
really no idea what was going on and I thought this was one of the
teachers at my Jr. high so I was just going to call the school back
to talk to one of my English teachers to get a clue. Well I called
my school and the mystery thickened when my English teacher said
that she didn't think anyone from there called me...uh okay now what? Do
I skip aikido to meet with some guy I don't know? Or do I stand this
guy up negatively affecting international relations forever? That
last question can be a joke but actually in many situations I ask
myself similar questions.
Well I decided (after advice from a close friend)
to meet this guy and if he didn't show then I could always go to
aikido. Yes, mom I thought about what if this guy had some kind of
sinister idea?...well most likely I'm bigger than him, I have extensive
aikido training, and if all else failed students at this Jr. high
were bound to still be around at that time. So no problem.
Side note: As I was walking to the front of the school,
my new cell phone rang. It was one of my English teachers who was
asking me where I was. To his laughing surprise I told him I was
right to the right of him.
ÝThe man who was meeting me was next to him. Okay,
now I remember this guy. I met him at a karaoke place with some of
my teachers. He spoke a little English, though he didn't on the phone
for some strange reason, and we had exchanged numbers for some reason...I
think because he knew of some good camping/hiking places in the area.
We started walking to his car when he told me that
I would be an actor tonight. An actor? Huh...doing what? With this
he proceeded to make a cross on his chest ALA Catholic style and
said the word "Father"...then he said his friend didn't have a lot
of money and he was getting married tonight. At this point I thought..."nah...couldn't
be...he didn't want me to pretend I was a priest and conduct a wedding"...I'm
learning to always trust my first instinct.
On the 20min ride to "the place" he mentioned a few
other things...one thing that stands out was him saying that this
event was a "big secret"...okay is what I'm going to do illegal?
I still don't know. Another thing that he stated was that his son
was now one of my 1st year students...okay so a student's father
was in charge of this...how bad could it be?
We got to the restaurant for that is where this would
all take place. A rather little place it was. On the way inside he
pointed to a big black Caddy...surely this wasn't all happening.
We got inside...he introduced me in Japanese. Every man was in a
suit, every woman in a dress...I was in a collar-less shirt accompanied
by cord jeans...do I need to change or something? He then proceeded
to give me a white dress shirt...just by the sight I knew it was
too small...okay take off your top shirt and wear only the your T-shirt
and here is a black suit coat. I looked a little presentable if you
don't mind the sleeves going to the middle of my arm. I told him
I had a black suit at home...he responded..."No money, no time" with
a plausible laugh.
Now the mission became to make me look as much like
a priest as possible. I noticed the man (whose name I still don't
know) folding up a white table cloth into a long rectangle. He gracefully
placed scotch tape on the folds and then proceeded to make crosses
on the newly formed lapels with a black magic marker. I was to put
this around my neck and shoulders during the service. Still that
didn't top the next event.
A man walked in with more silver on his fingers and
around his neck than I had seen since witnessing a couple members
of the "Hell's Angels" a few years back. Yes he had a chain connecting
his wallet to his belt loop. Then I noticed the big silver cross
that was placed between multiple silver skulls on a black leather
necklace hanging from his neck. The man I came with pointed at me,
said something in Japanese, and the Hell's Angel wannabe took the necklace
off...took out a knife...opened the necklace clasp and pulled off the silver
skulls and cross...placed the cross back on the leather strap and put it
around my neck. He was amazed my neck was so thick and the necklace
didn't dangle down as far on me than on him. My only question was...Now
I'm a priest? Did IÝmention I'm not Catholic?
The next 30 minutes we ate and the mystery man (the
man I came with will be called this from now on) introduced me to
the woman who would play the electric organ...who happens to be a
teacher at one of my elementary schools...how bad could this be?
Then the music played...the bride came in...all dressed in white....pictures
pictures and then she left. Okay maybe I was just here for a photo
op. That idea was changed when another man in a tux came up to me with
a Japanese marriage book and asked if I could read it. He was noticeably
perplexed when I told him I couldn't. Then the mystery man told me
that he wanted the whole service in English and not to worry that
I don't know Japanese.
Now the music started again...both bride and groom...who
I thought was the bride's father at first came into the narrow passage.
Where do I stand? What do I do? When is the last time I went to a
wedding? When did I pay attention? Okay I can do this. They stopped
and the mystery man gave me the rings. To say they came from a slot
machine would be an understatement...though I am pretty sure they
did...really. They were both gold plastic...the bride's ring had a plastic
pearl...both could be bent to fit the finger. I stood in front of them
and began the ceremony. Here's what followed...all in English...though
I'm sure neither participant had any idea what I was saying...post
thought comments are in parenthesis...
Dearly Beloved we are gathered here today to join
this man with this woman in holy matrimony. Marriage isn't to be
taken lightly (like with fake rings and minister). It is a divine
and special time (as long as it is quick and doesn't cost a lot of
money). Man, (I didn't know his or his bride's name) do you promise
to love, honor, and cherish her, in sickness and in health, in good
times and bad, till death do you part? (he's trying to understand what
I'm saying by leaning in...but I don't think he does) Blank stare...I
learned a long time ago at my schools the Japanese for "repeat after
me"...I used it then said "I do"...he repeated "I do"...Okay good...now
Woman, do you promise to love, honor...blah blah...without help she replied
"I do". I took the woman's ring and gave it to him..."please repeat
after me"..."with this ring, I thee wed"...."with this ling, I...zee
wed"...remember about Japanese pronounciaton...and likewise she did
the same. Then I said "by the power invested in me (what power? who
invested anything?) I now pronounce you man and wife...you may kiss
the bride"...and it was over...finally....
So that was my very interesting experience. Afterwards
we all ate again and the Hell's Angel guy gave the cross that was
around my neck to the groom. Actually he had to do this twice because
the first time not everyone saw it...and the second time it had to
be a huge production. I have a lot of thoughts about my role in this.
At least I got a pretty good meal out of it. Also even though the
ring, minister and other things were fake, I would have to say that
I think their love is pretty real. To see his tears of happiness made
me pretty happy for them and happy that I was a part of it all...though
I still don't know how legit it all was....also the cake was pretty
good. Yes, I have a picture to prove it all...
ÝÝÝ Oh yeah today I told a couple of my English teachers
the story.Ý I said that this is a very strange Japanese experience.Ý
One teacher said it would be strange for a Japanese person too.Ý
So I would say that I really can't base this on all or even some
Japanese people...this was a very rare occasion.
ÝÝÝ
. . . A Few Days Later
Some of you have brought up some interesting
points about my wedding service.Ý So I've answered that here.Ý Hope
it's insightful.Ý Also yesterday the son of the mystery man said to me
"Wedding...thank you"...I think his father had him memorize that...
Ý
Do you think this was some way to deceive the
girl so that she would THINK she was married and sleep with they guy
thinking it was ok?Ý
ÝÝÝ Oh I don't know.Ý It seemed pretty official
outside of me.Ý I think they just wanted a "christian" wedding but
couldn't afford one.Ý So the guy who brought me...the groom's friend...probably
thought...well I know a white guy that could pass for a priest.Ý See I
don't think they understand the idea the priest/preacher has a special
authority than anyone else, or that weddings are supposed to be sacred
for many times they go through ritual and it doesn't really matter
what it means...much the way Americans are getting. They probably
think "how is one white guy different >from another?"Ý Basically,
and this I recognize is a very general statement, when it comes to
many western things the Japanese do their best to imitate...they
don't care really to understand it.Ý For instance the church I go
to.Ý It is actually just a wedding chapel for that is why it was
brought here brick by brick from England by a rich Japanese guy.Ý See this
J guy had the idea that "christian" style weddings would be popular in
Japan and the more accurate the place is the better and in this case an
actual church from England.Ý My pastor actually was hired to perform
these weddings and a special bonus was that he could preach on Sunday
and at all of his weddings...he boasts that because of this he has
preached to over 5,000 people.ÝÝ So the pastor is employed by this
J guy...the J guy pays for all the expenses of the church through
the wedding funds...which are pretty huge since christian style weddings
are pretty big here and they are really expensive.Ý This gets me
back to the other night.Ý They had the dress and tux...they looked
the part...they had a place...wasn't a wedding chapel but it was
a western looking place...and they had a white guy performing the
ceremony in English...so in their minds it probably is the same. Besides
if the guy was like that I doubt he would have been so emotional
about it.
ÝYou don't think you're going to get in any
trouble do you?ÝÝ
ÝÝÝ I doubt it.Ý I've only told a few of my
teachers saying that the guy told me it was a "big secret"...if anything
ever comes >from it I can just declare foreigner ignorance and the
fact I was doing a friend a favor.Ý If I was conducting a Japanese
style wedding that would be one thing but I wasn't...it was a western
style wedding which isn't even recognized (I don't think) by the
government.Ý So they probably did both kinds of weddings.
ÝLike for impersonating a priest (ESPECIALLY
when you're protestant!! :^)Ý
ÝÝÝ Does anyone know this here?Ý Basically they
don't know the difference between the two...christian is christian...all
white people are christians and therefore they can give a ceremony.Ý
It isn't like any christian sect has licensing here that would make
it official like law...not like America here.
. . . A Few Days After That
Seems like this story never ends and for that I
apologize.Ý This whole thing actually has struck up a lot of debate with
some of you so I thought I would fully respond.Ý If none of this interests
ya just move on. ÝÝÝ First the most recent news...Last night at a
teachers welcome party I met this woman who is the sister of the
mystery man's girlfriend...did you follow that?Ý Well through one of
my English teachers I found out that the couple in question were in fact
already married meaning they had the "official" paper, which I believe
can just be applied for but didn't have the ceremony because it was
too expensive.Ý Also for all of you who are worried about American
rules involving marriage let me just reassure you...this isn't America.Ý
When I asked a couple of my teachers if I would get into any legal
trouble with what I did they looked at me with a very strange look...and
said "Why would you say that...of course not...you did a favor for
someone."Ý ÝÝÝ Which brings me to the following thoughts.Ý
Some of you are troubled with me impersonating a priest.Ý Well if
I were in America I never would have done that for a few reasons.Ý
One reason is the fact that priests, and any type of minister can
be found with one a touch of the finger on the phone and most likely within
a few miles of anyone in a suburb.Ý This really isn't the case here
where any minister can't be found for miles, if at all, and most
of these ministers have contracts with "wedding chapels" so they
wouldn't be able to perform any kind of ceremony without charging
more that $700.Ý Should only rich people have a ceremony here?Ý
ÝÝÝ Also even in the American context of what is legally a wedding
there are numerous ways.Ý Many different people fulfill the role,
in certain circumstances, a Justice of the Peace (which I think the
equivalent is what this Japanese couple did), on the waters a ship's
captain, in rural areas sometimes a sheriff, and I'm sure there are
many many others given different circumstances.Ý Who knows maybe a
license teacher can perform one in some obscure area. ÝÝÝ Still knowing
that they were officially already married does put my American mind
a little more at ease.Ý One question I had not thought of that was
mentioned by one of you was if this might have been a trick to get
this girl to sleep with the guy.Ý Yes, didn't think about that and
now at least I know they were already married so I don't have to
think about that anymore.Ý ÝÝÝ I feel fine about my decision
and it just goes to prove that our American definitions of what is legal,
not legal, right or wrong oftentimes is not at all the same in another
culture.Ý The difficult part is to realize when a cultural difference is
not a moral difference.Ý A struggle I have daily and I think that this
is a case of a cultural not a moral difference.ÝÝÝ Ý ÝÝÝ Guess
that will do unless there are other questions...bye bye